I heard we made out
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
