I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
