So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
