I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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