I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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