He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
