toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
