I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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