this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
