god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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