Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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