Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
