She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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