you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize