I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
