She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
no you cant smoke seaweed
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
