he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
