I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
