I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
