It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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