just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
