Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
