he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
