You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize