I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
