The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
