Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize