I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
