I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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