we have officially lost it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
