Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
