The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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