I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We left an ass print on the piano.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
