I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize