I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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