My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
