So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize