I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
