Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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