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I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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