dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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