So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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