i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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