how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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