I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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