That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
