You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
