You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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