Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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