the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
