If that was your dad, he is hot
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
