Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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