Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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