My sheets look like a crime scene.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
