dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
