Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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