I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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