cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
