Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
