I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize