Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
