you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
