I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
