12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
