thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
